by Martin Anton Smith
Jobseeker: I’m looking for a new role
Recruitment Officer: Ham or Cheese
Jobseeker: No I want a job, that’s why I’m here!
Recruitment Officer: But Isn’t eating tasty food better that working?
Jobseeker: How did you get a job as a Recruitment consultant?
Recruitment Officer: I’m moonlighting as a Caterer; we can talk jobs later – so I can sell you a Ham for $5 or a Cheese for $7
Jobseeker: But I have no money – that’s why I need a job!
Recruitment Officer: If you buy a sandwich, I’ll give you a job.
Jobseeker: If you give me a job, I’ll buy a sandwich.
Recruitment Officer: Ok Ok – your job will be in Food Prep
Jobseeker: Ok I’m desperate – I’ll do it – when do I start?
Recruitment Officer: Right now – make a Cheese & then a Ham Sandwich, pay is $1 per sandwich.
Jobseeker: Done can I have my two dollars?
Recruitment officer – yes here it is (pays them).
Jobseeker: Thanks this is a move in the right direction.
Recruitment officer: Ok now to complete our bargain – here are the two sandwich’s, $12 dollars please.
Jobseeker: But I only have the $2 you paid me to make them both!
Recruitment Officer: True – & that’s why I am prepared to offer you a $10 ‘Sandwich Mortgage’ at very reasonable rates!
Jobseeker: This is all just a giant Scam isn’t it! Where are you morals you shyster!
Recruitment Officer: Welcome to the exciting new world of work in 2024! Sorry what’s that word you said – Morals? Is that a new type of sandwhich?
Jobseeker: Man – I’ll never try to get a job for the Australian Treasury again! I never knew this is how you make your surpluses!
Recruitment Officer: Let’s just say “Sandwich-o-nomics” has been a fantastic fiscal policy ever since Keating left office!
Jobseeker: Damn – I should have known we were still stuck in the Howard Years!!
Recruitment Officer: Sadly this is true – & you Australian battlers have been screwed like mad! The good news is “Sandwhich-o-nomics” has allowed Canberra Politicians to cream it!
Jobseeker: You charlatan…you swindler…you…you….snake oil salesman!
Recruitment Officer: Do you need some? We sell it at the Parliament doors 100% quality Snake Oil as pressed by the aging John Howard himself!
Jobseeker: hmmm…desperate time call for desperate measures…Do you have any Keating snake oil – that stuff might actually work!
Jobseeker: Hey hey hey – what do you think this place is? A free market? This is Howard era ‘Sandwhich-O-nomics’ my friend – competition is not needed wanted or desired!
Jobseeker: ok ok – give me the Howard snake oil then.
Recruitment Officer: Ok it’s $10 per bottle
Jobseeker: Do you take sandwiches as currency? Thanks to you, that’s the only way I can pay you.
Recruitment Officer: Man you’re really getting into the swing of Sandwich-o-nomics” – I feel a surplus coming on!
Jobseeker: I would protest but this Aussie Battler has had their life squeezed out of them!
Recruitment Officer: haha Sandwich-o-nomics strikes again!
Jobseeker: Can I have a loan?
Recruitment Officer: Sure first just squeeze this snake’s oil into this bottle & sign this document.
Jobseeker: That better be a real snake.
Recruitment Officer: In Sandwich-O-nomics nothing as guaranteed.
Jobseeker: Oh brother!
Recruitment Officer: Yes we can recruit him too!
Jobseeker: Where is the door?
Recruitment Officer: Under Sandwich-o-nomics there are no doors – only windows.
Jobseeker: So ‘Sandwhich-o-nomics’ has really got me screwed 100% no matter what I do!?
Recruitment: It’s a beautiful system – now excuse me I must pray 3 times on the hour to the grand Poobah of Sandwich-o-nomics
Jobseeker: Is that John Howard?
Recruitment Officer: Are you angling for a promotion?
Jobseeker: Have you got any jobs making antique watches?
Recruitment Officer: Yes – but it’ll cost you 3 months salary.
Jobseeker: Who do you think I am? Paul Keating?
Recruitment Officer: I thought you were him! That’s why made all this crap up!
Jobseeker: Shhh don’t tell anyone….I’m here to secretly scuttle the AUKUS deal
Recruitment Officer: Sorry I don’t sell those deep-sea sardines in brine water.
Jobseeker: Oh good I’ve already won! that was easier than i thought! I retire forthwith!
Recruitment Officer: I will remember you always! Lets celebrate! Ham or Cheese!
Jobseeker: Cheese please – I’m not one to ham it up!
Recruitment Officer: Touche!
Martin Anton Smith Arts Page 